Senior Topics

Senior Jobs

 I find I’m not able to live on just my social security and my small pension from my deceased husband any longer.  My health is good enough that I could some part-time work but with the job market as it is, I’m not sure I could get a job.  Do you have any suggestions?  Marge, Chico 

Dear Marge, I think there are many others in your position because I noticed a past article in the AARP magazine.  Here are their recommendations (1) home parties and sales have been around for a long time – remember Tupperware?  There are companies such as Mary Kay, and Tastefully Simple which sells gourmet seasonings and desserts and many others. (2)  Pet sitting and care-many busy will pay to have their dog walked, socialized and groomed.  (3)  Rent out a room-there is a free service (nationalsharedhousing.org) which will help you match with a renter.  Nationally the going rate is $400-$550/month. (4)  Take tickets at events or theaters-you get some extra cash (5) Sell your stuff-you probably have unused items to sell.  You can have periodic yard sales, craig’s list or e-bay.  (6)  be a mother’s helper a few hours a week. I hope this will put more cash in your pocket.  Sincerely, Lyn

Senior Falls

 My mother is 88 years old and insists on wearing shoes which are very feminine and attractive, but give her no support.  She says she won’t wear “old lady” shoes!  I’m concerned about her falling.  How serious are falls for the elderly?  Connie, Oroville

 Dear Connie, You are wise to be concerned about your mother’s risk of falling while wearing shoes that are not safe for her to wear.  As you know, there are now many fashionable shoes which would give her the support she needs.  Falls for the elderly are very serious.  According to Harvard Medical School’s report on Home Safety for Older Adults, one in three people over 65 fall in the course of a year.  Three to five percent of these falls cause a fracture.  People ages 65-74 are twice as likely to die from a fall as a younger person would and people ages 85 and older are almost 30 times as likely to die from a fall.  The facts about hip fractures are alarming and should motive adult children and aging parents to do all they can to prevent serious falls.  It takes from four to eight months to recover from a hip fracture; two out of three people will never be as active or independent as they were before and one in three will end up in a nursing home.  With this information she will hopefully be willing to wear better shoes!

Getting Involved

In a recent column you listed several resources for activities for aging parents.  I didn’t realize so much was available for seniors.   Now, my question is, how do I get my mother involved?  She lives alone, does not drive and depends on me for most of her social interactions.Mike, Chico 

Dear Mike,  I have this question asked of me so often.  As you know, “you can lead a horse to water, but can’t make him drink”.  So, you need to gently ask your mother for the reasons why she may be resistant to taking part in the activities.  In my experience I have found at least four reasons why our aging parents are reluctant to venture forth.  The first may be a medical reason.  Can she ambulate safely; can she see, can she hear, does she have a problem with incontinence.  If there are no medical reasons, is she lacking in confidence.  It’s hard to go places alone for the first time.  Remember when you were the new kid at school or the new hire at a job.  I would suggest going with her a few times until she feels comfortable and makes a friend.  (3)  She may think that everyone else is “old” and she does not see herself that way.  At 85, my father did not want to mingle with “those old people”.  We all see ourselves as 10-15 years younger than we are.  By visiting a variety of activities, she will  see that there is a large range in the ages of seniors.  Lastly, transportation..it is best if you can take her, but if you can’t or can’t hire a driver, the Butte County Transit has services available for seniors—1-877-232-7433.  I hope your Mom will discover a whole new world awaiting her!  Sincerely, Lyn

Finding Reliable Help

My mother wants to stay in her own home, but my sister and I can see that she will need help in order to do so.  We both work and have grandchildren to care for so we’re unable to give her as much help as she needs.  Where can we find reliable help?Sherry, Paradise

Dear Sherry,  Every older adult I know would prefer to stay at home for as long as possible.  There are some factors to consider, however.  Often the aging parent will not readily accept a stranger in their home.  This is especially true if your parent is not convinced he/she needs help.  My aging father fired many caregivers!  Eventually it was actually better for him and all of us when he moved into a nice care facility.  Another consideration is cost.  If you use a home health agency, they will screen and train staff and provide the workers’ comp insurance, etc.  If you hire on your own, you will need to do this and be willing to cover a shift if the individual cannot show up.  There are many agencies which provide caregivers.  These will be listed in the phone book.  Other resources are Passages Adult Resource Center-898-5923 and Independent Living Services at 893-8527.  Sincerely, Lyn

Safe at Home

My parents insist on living in their own home even though they are 96 and 92 years of age.  Is there anything I can do to help ensure that they are safe at home?

Dear Joyce,  Many elderly parents wish to stay at home.  To help ensure their safety, the Harvard Medical School’s report on Home Safety for Older Adults offers the top five ways to stay safe at home(1) understand the physical changes that occur with age and have regular physical exams to detect problems early (2) reduce the risk of falling by exercising to improve strength and balance (3) eliminate hazards by doing a room by room safety check especially for fall hazards(4)avoid medication overdoses and interactions(5)install and maintain smoke alarms on every level of their home.  Grab and adequate lighting are also very important.Sincerely, Lyn

Downsizing

 My father may have to move in with us because he lost a great deal of his retirement funds recently.  Our house really isn’t big enough to give us all the space and privacy we need.  Do you have any suggestions? Rachelle, Chico 

 Dear Rachelle, There are so many who have been affected by the stock market “crash”.  I can only offer two suggestions. ..(1)  for him to downsize even if just to a smaller apt. or mobile and/or to negotiate with his landlord to reduce his rent.  I have heard that others have been successful with this.  (2)  The City of Chico may allow a second unit on your property.  You will need to call the Planning Dept. and ask for information on the Second Dwelling Unit (SDU) requirements.  I know that there are at least 2 companies locally who have modular units which are readily available for placement and relatively inexpensive.  Call Steve Canterbury at Canterbury Cabins-899-3336 or Cousin Gary’s  343-8494 for more information on these units.  I hope this is helpful to you.  Sincerely, Lyn

Meaningful Chat

 My mother has mild memory loss which made it necessary for her to move in with us.  My adult children are resistant to spending time with her because they don’t know what to talk about.  Do you have any suggestions?  Shirley, Paradise 

Dear Shirley, Your mother, like the majority of us, probably likes to feel useful and likes to reminisce about “the good old days”.  Your children could ask her about her childhood and even about what you were like as a child.  They need to use open ended sentences like, “tell us how you met Grandpa” or” what did Mom like to do as a child?”  Avoid statements like, “don’t you remember when we…..”.  She may also enjoy going to their home and helping with simple tasks that she can still do like folding laundry, gardening, housekeeping, or helping to prepare a meal.  This would be an enjoyable time for her and them and be helpful to them at the same time.  Sincerely,  Lyn

Time to Move

 My father lives in Rhode Island where my brother lives.  My other two siblings live here in Chico.  My brother is an attorney and takes care of my father’s affairs; however, he doesn’t have time to really visit with him or help him get out to socialize with his peers.  When I talk to my father on the phone, he seems quite confused.  My brother has not mentioned this.  We’re thinking of moving my father to Chico.  How should we approach my brother and my father with this idea?   Carla, Chico 

Dear Carla,  Since your father’s well being is obviously a concern of yours, I am assuming that other family members are in agreement with you and will also help you with a plan to meet his social and care needs.  Your brother in Rhode Island could still take care of the financial and legal affairs and you and/or one of your siblings could be in charge of his physical needs.  There are separate powers of attorney for these needs.If you all agree that it is in your father’s best interest to move to Chico, you can begin the process by telling your father that it will be for the winter and then reassess in the spring.  Using a “trial” period of time has worked well in convincing others in your situation.  I hope this works for you.  Sincerely, Lyn

Leaving Mom

My mother lives with us which has worked out very well.  My wife has been invited to her high school class’ 50^th Class Reunion in Michigan this June.  She wants me to go with her, but we know we can’t leave my mother alone.  I need your advice on where to get care for my mother while we’re gone.  Joe, Magalia 

Dear Joe,     I’m guessing your wife’s first thought was “it can’t possibly be my 50^th reunion”!  Now to answer your question.  There are three ways to get help for your mother.  (1) Make arrangements for a trusted friend or relative to stay with her(2) hire a home health or senior companion agency who will send a caregiver who is trained and bonded (3) have your mother go on her own little “vacation” by staying at one of the local assisted living facilities which offer respite care.  The term respite means relief so a designated respite room is usually for stays of 30 days or less.  The rates are much lower than if you had someone come into your home.  We will begin offering respite care in May.  If we do not have space available, we will guide you to other facilities who also offer respite care.  Do make your reservation as soon as possible since there are few respite rooms in the Chico/Paradise area.  Enjoy peace of mind knowing your mother will be well cared for while you share memories at the reunion.  Sincerely, Lyn

Role Reversal

I’ve heard the term “role reversal” used when my friends and I talk about caring for our aging parents.  For me, it doesn’t really feel like role reversal—she is still my mother even though she needs my help now.  Am I wrong about this?Alice, Paradise 

Dear Alice,  I’m so glad you asked this question.  I, too, often hear this and feel the way you do.  I clearly remember the day a saw the emotional control a very frail 93 year old woman had on her daughter.  The daughter provided care for the mother, but there was no “role reversal”.  My own father could turn me into a frightened 5 year old with his look and tone of voice.  It is important that we continue to treat our parents with respect.  Dr. Terry Hargrave suggests reminiscing about events in both the adult child and parent’s lives to help shift from the task at hand of care giving in order to maintain the relationship.  If you have a parent who is forgetful and keeps reminiscing about the same event, keep a list of key events handy so that you can share many wonderful memories.  This makes care giving so much more enjoyable and meaningful.  Sincerely, Lyn

Lifestyle Change

 My life has been changing so much in the past year.  Everything is more expensive at a time when my savings has declined.  Do you have any more tips on how to save without totally changing my lifestyle?  Lydia, Magalia 

Dear Lydia, I’ve been thinking the same thing!  Here are some suggestions I found (1) If you like to eat out, go early-about 4:30 for the early bird specials.  Many restaurants are now offering 2 for 1 meals.  Look for these as well.  (2)  do more home entertaining with friends…potlucks are in vogue again!  (3)  check with Passages Adult Resource Center to be sure you get all the benefits/services you are entitled to receive (4) don’t use your credit card—research shows people spend 20% when they use their credit card rather than cash (5) think twice before you make a purchase.  Use what you already have instead.  With all of our taxes increasing, an item with a $10 price tag will likely cost you over $1 more when you consider the gas tax and the sales tax.  Finding ways to save rather than spend can be an interesting and rewarding challenge!  Sincerely, Lyn